Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
