K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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