Where did you get a picture of my penis
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
