they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
