Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
