I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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