You just made me feel so damn special
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish you could order shots online.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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