He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize