If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
