life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
