I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
