You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
