I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
