I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
