He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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