I just pynch a tree in the face
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
