i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Couch. On fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
