I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
