So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
