well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
