my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
