i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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