New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she told me i tasted like america
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
