So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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