Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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