ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize