I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
