I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Porn is love you can see.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
