i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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