the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How external is "for external use only"?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
