Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
