just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
