I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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