so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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