Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
