If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
