I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
