just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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