you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
