According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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