Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
