I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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