I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
