just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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