tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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