Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
