I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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