Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize