The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
