You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
