I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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