Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize