There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
