Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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