So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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