24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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