Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize