Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
