yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize