Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
