I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
