In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Randomize
