OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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