Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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