He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
