I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize