i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
did you just send me my own nude
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
