I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
