you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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