woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize