Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
