I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
God, you're like boner-b-gone
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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