This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize