We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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