Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
