i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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