$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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