i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
