so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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