She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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