You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
